ME CAGAN LOS ABRAZOS

I don’t actually hate hugs; but it was a phrase I will repeat and continue to tell to people. And it’s not hugs that I hate but rather the feeling or message the hug conveyed; Pobrecito; and yeah maybe pobrecito de mi, after all I was sitting at the emergency room waiting area along with 20, 30 other people maybe more. All waiting along with me and by my family’s side for news about two things. 1. Our friend Ryanne where was she? and why had she not answered any messages all day? 2.Will my sister come out of all of her surgeries alive.

Earlier that day on february 14th 2008 my sister, my roommate and my friend Ryanne were all in the same auditorium taking a class when an individual walked in and opened fire injuring several students and killing 5. My sister was one of the many injured and Ryanne’s life was taken that day. At the waiting room I stayed mostly quiet, reviewing all that had just happened that day; I was getting ready early to go out with friends and eventually head out for what would’ve been the frat party of the year when I received the call from my roommate Sandra who said, your sister is on the floor. She sounded like she was laughing histerically; so I said .. well pick her up! .. and hung up. Then I got a second call, and another and another and I heard bacKground noise but assumed it was all just a butt dial. Phones with buttons were still a thing back then.

It wasn’t until I got a call from another friend that told me; Do not go to cole hall there is an active shooter on campus! I did not think twice and went over there; I was there fast because my apartment was accross the street. I stood there outside the classroom crying, a million thoughts rushing through my mind. But one thought stood out when did I last hug my sister? …and the the words I grew up hearing “ llorando no se soluciona nada” I had just finished that thought when I saw my rooommate come out of the classroom covered in blood; crying and I hugged her. From that moment on I didn’t let go of her.

I called my dad; I knew I could not break my moms heart over the phone; I told him Natzeli was shot, I don’t know where she’s at but we should go to the hopsital. My dad met me at my apt after some blurry series of events that involved very confused staff, faculty and police officers of the university. We rushed to kishwaukee hospital where we saw my sister on a stretcher; she didn’t look too injured; some blood on her face that looked like it was splattered on her not like actual wounds; as soon as she saw us she cracked a half a smile and my dad said “ well… now you know what it feels like?’ Humor - my dad’s way of giving a hug-

I know it almost sounds cruel for my dad to say that; but it is important to note that my sister wanted to become a police officer and was about to start shadowing with the Elgin Police department just a week before. Spoiler alert she did become a police officer for the very same school she got shot at.

My sister was airlifted to a different hospital; and right before my sister went into surgery; we were able to catch up with my Mom and my brother Julio. [My moms favorite btw] [More humor and the way I hug my brother now by writing jokes about him] They were waiting for us near the emergency room; without thinking I hugged Julio for the first time in maybe years. I honestly do not remember when was the last time I hugged him. We both cried. I couldn’t look at my mom; I didn’t want to; mostly because she was so heartbroken and I knew if I saw her I would break even more. The doctor said go and say goodbye to your sister; we do not know how things will work out. How do you say good bye to your favorite sister; also my only sister btw. There’s only three of us. I couldnt in fact I do not remember what I said to her…all I remember is seeing the pain in my mom’s eyes as I entered the room and as they took my sister to surgery. The four of us stood there speechless crying feeling alone and yet not alone. Hugging.

The next 24 hrs were agony we were waiting for 2 answers; was she going to live and where was Ryanne. Sadly we were informed while in the hospital of Ryanne’s passing. We now had to mourn and worry. My closests friends all around me just sitting there in silence - dissasosiating before it was cool - But that was their hug to me.

Without thinking we split tasks between my family- My dad took care of the press; sooo much press; I finally understand celebrities when they get annoyed for getting their pics taken.

Julio was in charge of caring for mom. He is the favorite after all.

I took care of arriving guests; so many people would come and go to the hospital as the news spread around. Which often meant a greeting with a hug and a pobrecito; this is where the “pobrecito” feeling happened. I am sure a lot of people were there with the best of intentions but soooo many of them were there for no reason at all other than to find out what happened! And after the 100th hug trust me i was over it! Except for the one I was happy to receive and give every time I saw her; My mom’s. That’s the best hug. I bet all of you will agree. Your mom’s hug is the only one you will never grow tired of.

Spoiler alert! My sister did a miracle recovery; in record time too! I mean she was out playing paintball by may. I have a whole joke about it. She became a cop; wife; mom; bit of an international celebrity for many reasons. We all carried on; we lived. Definitely faaar more united as a family than ever before. So many jokes written about that too. But now we only hug on birthdays; christmas and new years day. Not because we hate hugs! but because we realized that there are many ways to give a hug; it can be a physical one like we all know; a gesture and action.

Or.. just having a warm cup of coffee together. My favorite type of hug by the way. I am Jose Alfredo Cafeinado. Go hug someone today!